Getting ready...

I have 20 minutes left until the 2nd to last round of cakes it out of the oven, so this may be a long one...

I've got less than 2 weeks until I leave! As predicted, I've managed to make myself busier in unemployment than in employment. Rather than sit back and relax, I have 2 weeks to make 40 hours worth of cake (plus shopping for it), finish getting my place ready for renters, get packed for my trip, and be in a wedding in Dallas. Good planning. :) Taken one at a time...

...the cakes are going well - the muscles remember the technique, it's the planning portion I'm not so good with. Glad I'm doing a test run - I've resized the wedding cake from ginormous to excessively large. I'm not sure I'll be able to lift the thing once it's assembled, and it may way down the back of my car. Thankfully, friends are on their way to help with the 10 lb of scraps I generated.

...the getting place ready thing is odd. My mom came up and we spent the ENTIRE WEEKEND working on the place. Huge improvements, little sleep. The stone mosaic backsplash is almost fully in place. Probably another 10-16 hours there, cutting the "broken" stone into shape, grouting, enhancing, and sealing. My place is painted, stair rails up and in place, new light fixture up, patio furniture moved, and organization started. I can't believe how much work this part is - trying to get all my stuff boxed up and out of the way.

...the renters are interesting. Had 3 VERY different people come look at the place. A fellow traveler - just back from Isreal. A recently seperated man, looking for a place (not his idea for the divorce), and a traveling mud engineer with an address in China who came with references. I picked the mud engineer. I'm very protective of my place - I've worked on it for 2.5 years (off and on...) and it's FINALLY liveable. So I'm letting someone else live here. Good choice. Horror stories of each person ran through my head as I tried to make the choice. Mr. Isreal? Probably gonna spill bong water all over the place and run around naked with all his friends. Divorcee? Suicide. I don't want that on my couch. The biggest fear is the one I picked...he seemed to normal and responsible. I visualize him taking all his business ties, tucking them into his belt, and wearing that (and nothing else) as he flings feces at the walls from the center of a candle lit pentagram.

...and, once that renter is gone, there is the possibility that the Austin Lyric Opera will put up a Russian diva at my place. They came out today and the boss comes out next week after renovations are finished for the final go/no go decision. So, I'm up to be a patron of the arts. IF that happens, I can't come home until Feb. 9th. THAT is wild.

...trip packing has taken a back seat, hopefully to pick up this weekend. On the plus side, clearing my place out is letting me find what I already own. Lori, Kelly, Chris, Ana, and Mark have been WONDERFUL about loaning me stuff. Worst case on that is that I pick things up as I go. And, IF I can convince him, Don will be joining me for the first two weeks. He's at 80%. Company would be good for the beginning. And he's fun.

And the wedding. Once the cakes are dropped off, I'll feel better. Great way to start the trip though - all dressed up at a reception at an art gallery as I see one of my favorite people in the world getting married to a man who she loves. Very excited for that. And girl time the night before.

So, with a few days to go, I'm going nuts. Other than the Halloween party, I probably won't be out much. But that's good, I guess.

Final note...I don't know that I'm coming home from the trip. I mean, I HAVE to come back to Austin since I own property here. But...I'm leaving myself open to the possibility of finding something on the road that catches me and pulls me away from home for a bit. Don't know what - but I'm hitting up all my favorite cities, with plans to set down at some point for at least a few weeks. Assuming I can extend to Feb. 9th. I have certain things I want to accomplish and I know I'll need to be out and away from my friends to do it. It's to easy to distract myself with my people around.

I'm excited for this adventure. I'll have no choice BUT to sit. Or hike. But not do a single damn thing of any consequence. Yay.

Fantasy is a necessary ingredient in living - Dr. Seuss

Tonight I youtube’d Jeff Buckley. I had a friend over and we were trying to remember who did “So Real”. I don’t know why I’d never thought to youtube him before – I had both Grace and Sketches for my Sweetheart the Drunk and had swooned over the photos. Looking for videos seemed a natural extension.

I knew Jeff Buckley was around during the Pearl Jam time period…but, having discovered his music later in life, I don’t think I’d ever associated him with the flannel era. Watching the videos, I realized for the first time that Jeff Buckley fronted a 90’s alternative band. He’s moopey. And brooding. For me, that timeless sound was just grounded in 90210 credit music, and (at least for now) a bit of the charm is lost.

This seems backwards to me: the realization that they transcended the era so quickly should make the music that much more powerful. Instead I’m seeing Luke Perry. I should know better than to peek behind the curtain.

Does doing the right thing mean I want to puke?

I'm 1 hour into my last 40. And very productive, yes? Actually am working...just taking a quick anti-nausea break.

I've worked since I was 16 years old. I had 3 months of unemployment ONCE...when the company I worked for went bankrupt and I couldn't find a new job quickly. I picked up contract work and cleaned houses. I was a basket case the whole time.

Come Friday, I have no income. I am taking off and draining my accounts...accounts that were at -20K when I finalized my divorce about 4 years ago...and I've finally built up to a level where I can just say "fuck it". For a little while, at least.

I have a mortgage. I like food. Heck, even driving is great. Absolute terror is finally setting in...must remind myself that it would take one hell of a lot of stupidity to get myself back down to a level that's more of a challenge than what I've already come back from...

Final Count Down...

In oh so many ways! 5 days to unemployment. 2 weeks to Halloween Party. < 3 weeks to wedding...and final cake creation. 3 weeks to take-off on trip.

Sooo much to do...rent my place out, visit from mom next week, test run + real run on cakes, buy what I need for the trip, get my car into the shop, pack, borrow what I can for the trip...

Really, when I write it down, it's not that bad. I just win at procrastinating. Which means that all will be done an hour before due (except the cake. No worries Jenn!).

Checking out a map, I'd like to do the following for my trip: Nov 9 - leave Dallas. Based on weather, hit up the Great Sand Dunes, Denver, Moab, Grand Tetons, Yellowstone, Glacier National Park, Mt. Rainer National Park, Seattle. Spend Thanksgiving in Olympic National Park, then aim south to Portland/San Francisco. Continue south to Yosemite, Death Valley, Joshua Tree, Phoenix, White Sands, Big Bend, Austin. Home by...????.

All subject to change. Can't wait. Still stalling. I had 2 sick days last week at work...would 2 more this week be entirely too tacky??????

Happy thoughts this weekend: Fabulous friends, continuing to get back in touch with old ones, buying electronics, the sun on my skin, not itching anymore, making an elaborate dinner and every course turning out well, the continuation of crushing, knowing tomorrow is my last Monday, realizing I don't have to put up with some things and I can stop feeling guilty about it, being willing to have people in my house, staying in touch with new people, scatter-brained preparations that have me spinning (unproductively)in circles, shopping for costumes, having no idea what is in store and feeling no need to change that, spending a saturday night at home with a great book.

Random Thoughts on a Random Week(end)

I ran into a guy at a coffee shop earlier this week who is a counselor for the same rehab place I did AmeriCorps/interned with. We chatted about being in that business, and I asked him how he dealt with the failure rate. He said he just recasts what success means - the rehab process is exactly that...a process. Going back to using is not failure, just another step for some in the process of ultimately getting there. Seemed somehow fortune cookie-esque to me...in a good way...

Things that made me happy this weekend:

Having a photo turn out just the way I wanted it to. Teaching a 2 year old and a 4 year old how to take pictures. Smiles and laughter. Meeting new friends; reconnecting with old ones. Sleeping outside. Mud squishing between my toes. Wasabi peas. Story time at 2:30 in the morning. Laughing with my dad while screaming along to Sweet Caroline at the Neil Diamond concert. Magic tricks. Making war paint with broken glow sticks. Flying kites and bad ideas. The anticipation of jumping off of a cliff. Showing my home improvements to my mom. Crushing on a boy. Shared excitement about epic adventures, both past and future.

Hitting the Reset Button

Only two weeks left until I'm officially done with the whole income thing for a bit. It was so 90's anyways. While I hope to not make it down to freegan status, it should be interesting to be a cost center for awhile.

And even more interesting to hit the point where I stop using phrases like "cost center".

Lately, I've had several people refer to me as a free spirit, which kinda cracks me up, as that's not how I've ever seen myself. I'm the hyper-responsible one, who's living on the same amount I put in savings every month, almost always on time, well planned out...I just happen to have a fairly low standard of living I guess...and live in a way that most things really don't get under my skin.

So, for a few months at least, I guess I will be a free spirit. I think I've finally decided on what I'm going to do. Nov. 9th, all obligations are fulfilled, job is done, friends are married, votes will be tallied, etc. etc. Why stay put?

I think I'm following the weather. Driving towards Colorado, through Utah/Idaho. Up through Washington, down through California, back through Arizona and New Mexico. For $80 I can buy a national park pass, and take 6 weeks to tour the west, writing, taking pictures, camping, hiking, and just ignoring the real world. Maybe I'll pick up some contract work to help fund it...maybe not.

We'll see. I guess that's the best part of people labeling you a free spirit...there is no expectation in anyone's mind that I'll stick to a plan. Yay justified flakiness.

I wonder what will settle out in the end.